Inspire Me, Grandfather (Unedited)

Author's Note: The following piece is titled "Inspire Me, Grandfather". This piece is in honor of my Grandfather on my Mother's side who passed on a few years ago. I honestly did not realize how much his death effected me until I was asked this question, "Who or what inspires you to play music and write these arrangements?" After someone asked me that I realized it was my Grandfather who was inspiring me this whole time. I wrote this piece on an airplane to Egypt recently. Also small warning, there are some pretty upsetting parts in this piece dealing with death. If you cry, don't worry because I cried when I was writing it, but please enjoy this piece of writing.
- JenJen

Inspire Me, Grandfather
For: My Dearest Grandfather. May he rest in peace.

As a younger sibling, I always had someone to look up to. I had my older sister, mother, father, and many other people that I have looked up to in the past, yet one of my family members stood out to me more than any other family member. My mother's father, my Grandfather, stood out to me the most because of what my Grandmother and Mother had told me about his musical past. He played stand-up bass and a piano (keyboard) in a jazz group and was quite good at playing both of them. He had an over the top amount of musical talent.

After a few years of my mother and grandmother telling me stories about his musical past, I was taken in by the beautiful sounds that a piano could make. I had started piano lessons, but I thought that wasn't enough. I soon discovered my singing voice and how i could sing and play the piano at the same time. I was so into my music that as I grew older, I never wanted to stop playing the piano and singing. Sooner or later I would stop, but my mother, father, sister, or a combination of the three would have to force me to stop. I thought it was the best thing in the whole wide world.

Once I got into fifth grade, I realized the evils of homework. Even though homework is very fun at times, I could almost never find time for my music. I felt as if I had let my Grandfather down, but I knew, because of my sister, mother, and father, that grades were important. I practiced as much as I could while keeping my grades acceptable.

A few years later, my Grandfather had passed away I felt my heart sink into the deepest part of my body. It felt like I was sinking into a never-ending, black hole of darkness. I honestly thought I would never be able to come out, but I slowly, but surely, learned to shield my emotions from others. This was very useful when I had to return to school.

After my Grandfather's death, music became far more important to me. I thought of music as a way to keep him close to my heart, mind, and body. I also found out that writing about my feelings really helped me cope with my emotions. I started writing about emotions and my feelings in my school essays, papers, stories, etc., yet I would put the emotions and feelings in another character, not myself. Later, I learned that talking to people and telling them what is actually wrong helped me cope as well. I started writing all the stories in first person instead of putting the emotions into another character. This helped me learn that expressing myself wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing.

Once I got into high school, I learned after a month or so that trusting people was a very hard thing for me to do since my Grandfather's passing. I met one of my best friends during my freshman year. Her name is Betty Tobin. She showed me how much it actually took to gain someone's trust. After meeting her and realizing how bad my trust issue was, she introduced me to her boyfriend at the time. His name is Kyle Lambert. He helped me feel secure and safe. The most important thing, and probably most useful thing, he has done to help me is how he made me feel like I could trust him with anything and everything without him judging me or making me feel uncomfortable. Once I had realized this, I had started opening up to him and Betty about things that I normally would not let even my closest friends and family know about me.

As my freshman year went on, I felt a cloud of emotions starting to form in the last few days of the first trimester. I ignored the emotions and continued with my classes and life at home. Near the end of our Robotics build season, I could not hold my emotions in any longer. I broke down during lunch the Friday before our Spring Break. I was so happy that my good friend, Ilana, along with Betty were there to help and comfort me until I was through my break down.

Later that night, I broke down again when I was in my room doing my homework. I signed on to my AOL Instant Messager and started talking to Betty and Kyle who helped me through the situation. I never actually told them the exact reason for my random, emotional break downs, yet they were still there for me when I needed them. Little did they know that the emotional break downs were caused by emotions that were piled on top of many different things that had gone wrong in my past, mostly my Grandfather's death.

After my break downs, I put my musical skills to the test. I wrote a piece, by myself, called Bring Me Back. I realized it expressed all of my feelings at the time very well and I had used my musical talent to the real test. I wrote out sheet music for it and played it when no one was around since I personally thought that it was not good.

Later in my schooling, in tenth grade, I put together a medley of two very special songs to me. This medley was made up of My Heart Will Go On, from the major motion picture Titanic, and A Whole New World, from Walt Disney's Aladdin. When I was arranging the medley, I thought of how proud my Grandfather would of been if he was there to hear me perform it at my high school's Open Mic Night. I soon decided that he was my inspiration for every single thing that I did that had to do with music from learning to sing to learning to play the flute, piano, and stand-up bass. He is and always will be my musical inspiring Grandfather. I will always love him for being there even if he is not here anymore since I will always know that he will be with me in my heart forever.

For: My Grandfather Heath
May he rest in peace forever more.

Author's Note: I promise this one will be quick. I just wanted to let you know that I will post, when I get back in the country, a picture that goes along with this piece of writing on my DeviantART account. I will update this post with the link to the picture. Hope you enjoyed it!
- JenJen